Boy, Do I Love Emails? Boy, Do I Love Emails! Boy, Do I Love Emails....
This is an impulsive essay about a social suggestion for changing email etiquette.
Look, I know that “Macray” is not the most common name, I’m no John Williams,
Michael Jordan or John Paul Jones, and I can recognize (and appreciate (most of the time)) that my name gets a double-take to make sure it’s being read right. Muh-Cray, McCray, MickRay, MacGravy, etc., hasn’t bothered me since my 9th birthday, it’s cool, I’ll know you’re talking to me and these are close enough. I also have three first names: Charles Macray Braxton, almost four if I stutter and say: Charles Mac Ray Braxton. And so this becomes “Charles’s Newsletter”1 anytime I go to the doctor’s office or vote.
The funniest move is when someone is writing my name down, say, for attendance purposes, or checking-in at an office, and they spell it wrong as I’m spelling it out loud.
“M, A, C, R, A, Y,” said I.
And the clerk wrote “MacCrae.”
And I go about my day. It’s funny that we shove our biases of how we think things are without listening to the things that are telling you how they are. Everyone does this, it’s human, it’s efficient.
Last night,
I was talking with my roommate, Jackson, about how so much of my time at work is spent “catching up on emails". Then, I realized, I spend almost my entire day in the office staring at an email inbox.
I receive a lot of emails from people who don’t know me personally, and they probably don’t care enough to read my full name, and instead just see my last name and assume it’s my first. You know what they say, when you assume— you are making a lazy experience-based inference to save four seconds of precious time.
I’m often addressed as “Braxton” in emails with strangers, which normally doesn’t bother me, because I know that people are generally pretty lazy when replying to emails, and that’s okay, I hate emails too.
I like to write letters. If you would like to receive a letter from me, please either reply to this email or DM me on Substack, and if you’re comfortable sharing your address, I will send you a letter with whatever name you’d like me to address it to. Also, please share Macray’s Newsletter:
Instead of whining about people not calling me ‘Macray’ in emails, I posit instead, everyone should start addressing people by their full email address.
Here’s how my suggestion would play out:
If you’re writing an email to John.Smith01@googoo.com, instead of addressing the email, “Dear John,” or “Dear John Smith,” you would address it, “Dear John.Smith01@googoo.com.”
Dear John.Smith01@googoo.com,I believe this will become a more efficient way of knowing what tone to use in an email, which should always be formal. Emails should always be as formal as possible, it’s important, for manners. Furthermore, if you are addressing an email “Dear princesskitty0830@yeehaw.com,”2 then I think you should receive a response from princesskitty0830@yeehaw.com, not, Alyssa or whoever the person is behind the email.
Dear John.Smith01@googoo.com,
I hope this finds you well, as well. Thank you so much for the email, it did find me well. Please see the attached attachment, for your viewing and pleasure.
Thanks again,
Princesskitty0830@yeehaw.comYou are not to be a human represented by an email address; you are to be an email address represented by a human.
Chloe might call it Charlie’s Newsletter.
I’m pretty sure this is a fake email but if it’s not, and if princesskitty0830@yeehaw.com is reading this, I’m sorry for exposing you and assuming that your email is fake. I could’ve been proactive and found out for myself, but instead, I will make a lazy experienced-based inference to save four seconds of precious time.